Missing Home:

whew!
the past few weeks have just flown by! i have no idea where they went or what happened even haha. once again, it is time for me to empty out my mind... this may take a while- as always :)

one thing that i have been thinking so much about is my home. home is such a sacred word... there are so many memories linked to this place- happy times and awful times. but it seems like wherever i am in life and whatever is going on, i always find home to be a safe and comforting place. ever since college, my idea of home has constantly been shifting. before this, i always thought home to be the place that i was with my immediate family. but since leaving the nest and trying to make a little sanctuary of my own, my opinions have changed a little. one thing that i find to be fascinating is how much i love my college buddies. i cannot even begin to express my love for these amazing people. six months ago, most of us were strangers- we had no idea who we all were, or how much that first hello would impact our lives. i feel like i have been truly blessed by meeting the people i have. we really have come together and united to make our own little family. now i really have two homes it seems... and when i am at one, i miss the other terribly. they are both so different but i feel like i couldnt live without both of them. college life is tough- there are so many things that get thrown at you and you have to figure things out on your own. it is a lot different then what we all were used to. when you move away, you are all alone it may seem- and that is SO overwhelming. but then you have your little college family to lift you up and help you continue on. they may think that they dont do much, but really, they have no idea how much they have helped me. it is nice to be with my immediate family for the holidays, but i cant help but feel a little ache in my heart where i wish my college family was with me to share this wonderful season too. so this is just a little shout out to those people who have grabbed my hand and held me close in this new stage of my life. i love you all so much more than you could ever know. thank you for all you do and for being in my life. this hobo will never, ever forget you.

a few days ago, i spent a whole day with a really close friend of mine- one that i couldnt imagine my life without. the day was perfect and i had a complete blast! when we were driving in my very attractive listerine truck, the thought occurred to me: four years ago, i completely disliked this boy i was with. four years ago, i wouldnt have cared squat about this kid. and if you would have told me that eventually, i would consider him to be one of my closest buddies, i would have told you to jump off a cliff- and maybe take him with you (buddy i love you now haha). it was a very interesting realization for me. it just hit really hard that you have no idea who is inside that kid behind you in math class- until you really get to know them. another perfect example is megan leavitt. heck i have learned to love this girl so much! do you know the funny thing though? i have known who she was for like six years maybe. but i never KNEW her. and boy i was missing out! judgements are so restricting! i cannot even begin to tell you how many times i have misjudged someone and missed out on a really amazing human being. it makes me sad to think that i missed out on knowing these incredible people for so long! simply because i judged them- wrong mind you. how many times do we do this? you know it happens daily! but we keep doing it... why? ugh. will i ever understand?! probably not haha. all i can say, is to be more careful when you first meet someone. look a little deeper and try to actually SEE who this person is... or who they can be. it is worthwhile! and you just might not miss out like i did...

psh. some boys have the most perfect eyelashes in the world. does it not seem like there are countless guys that have flawless black lashes that are carefully curled- thick and long. what is this?! i see some girls who have terrible eyelashes... short and stubby- straight and blonde. this is a bother to girls around the world! lucky boys... you better enjoy them and be sure to not take advantage of them either! i know girls who would trade an arm and a leg for those hairs that line your eyes.

once again, i just have to say something about deep and juicy talks. man i love them so much! there is nothing like sitting with a buddy and really talking. just letting go- talking AND listening. sharing thoughts and opinions. yesterday night, i had a great talk with one of my best friends ever. we sat in the car for a good hour and just caught up. you know, it is amazing how different people can be, but can also be so similar! one thing that struck me pretty hard is how we all feel the same emotions. at the time we are dealing with them, it may seem as if we are the only ones struggling with this particular feeling- but really, there are people ALL AROUND YOU that have delt with or are dealing with something very similar. once you realize that, it can give a huge boost of hope. so thanks for the good talk, buddy.

hugh jackman.... mmmmmmm.... (blaine i hope you saw that haha)

the snow is so beautiful. i dont care if you hate the cold and you despise those frozen water dropplets- you cannot tell me that our earth frosted in ice is not a gorgeous thing to see. i do admit, i HATE driving in the snow and i do miss chilling around in shorts and a tee shirt, but there is something about the winter that is really pretty. i think the seasons are a really interesting thing to watch. to see the bare trees covered in frost start to change- growing back leaves and turning green... to see the flowers sprout and open up... all the pretty colors that come back after the long and white winter... the dry and hot summers... then to see everything start to come to a close and slowly start to fade or go into hibernation- all the yellows, reds, and browns. then it all starts over again! there is no way that after witnessing this miraculous change that one can deny a higher power. there is definitely a God who knows what He is doing! man, we are lucky to be able to witness those little miracles each and every day.

photos are an incredible invention. i cannot even begin to comprehend how a camera functions! how can a little box record a moment in time- freeze a memory so perfectly?! that is incredible! i am so glad to have pictures of times in my life... the important events and the silly, random things. i LOVE looking at pictures- anyone's pictures, not just my own. it is like a little glimpse into the life of that person. you are seeing a memory that they experienced. taking a little step in their shoes. oh the joys of technology...

out of my league... that saying takes on a whole new meaning when you do find something- or someone- that is "out of your league". have you even fallen for someone that seems absolutely perfect? not that they have no flaws necessarily, but that there are so many good things about them, and they are trying to tackle their flaws, that it kind of neutralizes them? someone who has so many things to offer- so many talents and amazing capabilities that blow you out of the water... someone who opens their mouth and the most wonderful and intelligent things start coming out and it seems as though they are a million years ahead of you? someone who really KNOWS God and isnt afraid to share what they know? a person who has a million people knocking on the door to their heart- also wanting to just be in their life? yeah me too. it is hard to know what to do... part of you says that you have no chance. the likelihood that out of all the people they could choose, they pick YOU is pretty dang slim. you might make up a bunch of excuses and justifications as to why you should just give up... to spare yourself an aching heart, to get away from embarassment, to give others who deserve someone like that a better chance, yadda yadda. but then again, you cant help but hope that they DO pick you out of all the other possibilites. that they might see something in you that might be even the slightest bit worthy of their attention and care (not that they would say it like that... they are pretty near perfection remember? so they are too humble to see that they are utterly amazing :) haha). i personally dont doubt that taking on the challenge is the best thing to do. there is nothing worse then not going for something and wondering if you would have just tried if you would have made it. so if it doesnt work out, at least you went for it and gave it all you had! that doesnt hurt- much :). you know, even if it doesnt work out, i get a lot out of the whole experience. not only do i find more exceptional qualities that i will probably not be able to help but compare everyone else i meet to (sadly... that is unfair to compare with someone like that...), but also, i cant help but take a look at me- a deeper look. i love being around these people that make you feel so good about everything... and you cant help but want to be the best you can be. for some reason, they pull that desire out of you and help you see a little better smidge of what you could be. they help me want to fix bad habits and overcome flaws. help me want to make myself a little more worthy of them. to sum it all up, even if i try and fail, i still got something out of the whole experience and hopefully, i am a better person because of it. so i will keep sticking to going for those that seem impossible. besides... it is better to shoot for the stars (and in HIS case, the moon, the sun, the next galaxy, that wayward planet, those stars over there... haha) and miss, then to shoot for a pile of manure and make it.

stephen speaks has the most beautiful song... out of my league. check it out!

the christmas season... i love everything about it. can you just feel the love in the air? i feel so grateful lately... for friends mostly... but for everything as well. i cant help but smile at this time of year and think about what happened those many years ago... the reason for the season.

i love you all. thank you for all you do for me... you dont know how much i adore you.
have a very merry CHRISTmas.
believe!

love, kirena