is there such a thing as an illness or disease that can be caused by having too much on the mind? sometimes i wonder if i am at risk of such an ailment. man, lately my mind has been going about a million miles per minute. so many things that just cannot be solved. so- for my own benefit, i am going to participate in the infamous "kirena word vomit", an old trick i learned from a dear buddy. without further ado:
you ever feel like you are on the right track, but that there are a million things standing in your way? opposition can be the most discouraging thing!
for example. recently, i have been thrown into the sad fate of looking for a new car. here i was, a poor lass already struggling with money and trying to figure out a way to finance my way through expensive school when suddenly, good ole Roxanne, my '92 mazda protoge decides to crawl on her last leg. so here i am, with yet an additional payment to make. not only is there the huge stresses of attempting to pay for a new car on top of school in the near fall, the task of FINDING that perfect replacement is perched on my lap. this task in and of itself is a nightmare.
let me explain:
you ever feel like you are doing your part as fully as you can? that there is only so much you yourself can do and you have done it and surpassed what you imagined you could do? that is the point that i am at with car searching (among other things). i feel as though i have done all the research, completed all the steps, made all the calls, done all i can do to find a new vehicle. but, for some OBNOXIOUS reason, nothing is working out, no matter what i do.
you know, i do know that the perfect car for me is out there. i know that eventually, it will pop up and i will be so-so-so glad that all the other options fell through and disintegrated just when i was sure they were going to work out. but that time seems so out of reach. and for now, all i can do is feel discouraged and annoyed that once again, my lack of patience is getting the best of me.
i can't help but wonder why the lord does what he does. i can imagine the things that stressers (like waiting for the right car) can do to a person- the lessons learned and the skills gained. but can't he just rush it a little bit?
the other day, i was talking with my mom, and we had a very interesting conversation regarding the tendencies of the lord. after a nice long discussion, she turned to me and said, "Kirena, in all of my experiences, there is one thing that i have learned about god. he definitely has a sense of humor." after a few seconds of thinking about this, i responded with a quite witty comment that i not only am pretty proud of
but one that is so true! "Yeah... But, you know, i am really starting to get sick of being the butt of a joke."
so here i continue. refreshing ksl's classifieds over and over and over and over. printing out a million possibilities and checking my email eight times every hour. visiting dealership after dealership and enduring hours of idiotic salesmen giving me yet another pitch. asking my dad yet AGAIN to go with me to look at another car. asking everyone their opinion on vehicles and knowledge of anything for sale. simply waiting and waiting for that magical replacement to pop up and be discovered.
let's just say, i sure hope it comes sooner then later.
ugh.
oh opposition... how i loathe thee.
there are some phrases that people say that drive me up the wall. one that i have recently renewed my animosity towards is the response "i dont know". these three words have almost no meaning to me. in my mind, i consistently translate them to be "i don't want to take the effort to try and answer your question." granted, there are some times that you legitimately do not have an answer and pretending you knew what to say would be a lie. BUT when your response to every sincere question i ask is as vague and pathetic as "i dont know", i start to get annoyed.
so for future reference, i ask that you avoid this meaningless phrase and attempt to sew some tangible words together- even just for my own sanity :)
a few weekends ago, i had a brilliant epiphany while in sunday school. we were discussing a scripture that defines the gospel as "easy". now, at first glance, this bold statement may seem a little off. anyone who is striving to live a righteous life knows that there are times that it is anything BUT easy. there are some days that setting aside time to read the scriptures, or to actually get out of bed and kneel down to pray are a little hard for me. there are times where that party just looks like so much fun, or that latest rated r movie is said to be the best ever made. there are days where i flip on the radio and want to ignore the suggestive and lude lyrics to a hoppin' song with a fantastic beat. the list goes on and on. there are lots of tough things about being a striving member of the gospel, and yes, there are some things that are difficult to refuse and avoid.
BUT.
think about it this way (and here is my beloved epiphany):
there was once a time that i was sitting in seminary (many years ago :P) and my teacher asked us if we noticed anything different about the room. i come to find that there is a thin string tied from one end of the room, clear to the other side and out of sight. he then asked us if we noticed anything special about that piece of string. after meticulously studying the string, i noticed there was the smallest speck of black. hardly even there- completely minuscule and seemingly unimportant. the lesson went on completely focused on that string and speck. i came to find out that the line of string represented our existence and the small dot was our life on this earth. we were asked to imagine that the string went on for forever both ways... no beginning and no end. then, there you have that little dot- that small small SMALL speck of time where we must endure and prove ourselves to our heavenly father. do you realize that everything after that- all that string (with no end) following the dot is completely determined by that minuscule spot. if you screw up what happens in the tiny tiny speck, your entire future existence is affected by it. this beautiful analogy is incredibly powerful. if you keep that state of mind- focus on the ETERNAL perspective and fully realize that the things we do on this earth- in that short short time, will impact our eternities- IF you keep that in perspective, there is no option of failure. no option to mess up and stray from the path.
and that, my friend, is why living the gospel is "easy".
an interesting thing, eh?
there is a very humorous comic that goes along with this perfectly. imagine two old men sitting on a bench, having the following conversation:
"time is a funny thing."
"it sure is."
*pause*
"they say that one lifetime for us is only an afternoon to god."
*pause*
"hm...you would think that being good for an afternoon wouldn't be so hard."
hahaha. what a classic thought. and so true. one afternoon... we can do it :)
oh, the little things. you know, it will never cease to amaze me at how a seemingly small and simple thing can really be a big deal to the person on the receiving end. i am constantly reminded that heavenly father does indeed know my situation and sends an answer to fervent prayer through another. i cannot even describe the countless amount of times i have asked for a little something- whether it be a reminder that people care about me, or an idea for a solution to a problem that i have, a tidbit of advice that i never thought of, or just a surprise stop by to say hello, i am always being bombarded with a little something at that moment where i feel utterly hopeless. it is apparent to me that the lord is very smart in all of his grandeur. i did have a thought though. as i mentioned before, it always seems that these reminders come just at that moment that i am ready to fall into an awful state, and i can't help but wonder why he waits until the last moment. then i realize, maybe he has been prompting people for days and they just didn't quite understand the message, or their music was just a little too loud. maybe they thought it was a silly thought that their brain just came up with. whatever the excuse may be, he had to keep trying to pass the prompting along until someone would listen. this realization is the smallest bit overwhelming. how many times each day do i dismiss an errand that the lord wanted me to do? is there a reason i suddenly feel like i should ask so-and-so how they are doing? why did i get a strong urge to compliment that stranger? the list goes on and on. i understand that sometimes it is hard to distinguish your own thoughts with the whisperings of the spirit, but then again, is it really worth it to miss an opportunity to give that someone something they really needed?
i guess what i am getting at is this: i hope that we can all be a little more open. a little more willing. a little more aware. and a little more motivated to do the work of the lord. i ask that we follow those random promptings and thoughts. even the silly ones. you never know just how it might affect another.
you really just don't know- maybe you are changing their life.
do you ever get those nights where you are so dead tired and READY for sleep to come, but for some reason, your brain just will not turn off? i do... those are the bummiest nights ever! especially when the welcoming morning starts at four o' clock am. sometimes there is just too much on the mind and it really DOES influence your health. so whoever is reading this (yes, you that one person), please do us all a favor by inventing a little something that will just erase my mind completely and let me driff off to sleep when i so desire. thank you.
i have a growing affinity for twix bars. mmmmm. and to think, i used to hate those delicacies.
one of the greatest things about my job is the extra time i have. here i am, at work, and i am writing an entire blog. not to mention i am doing my car searching, texting my buddies, checking my email, laughing with friends, even playing on facebook. the best thing about all this time though? i get to read. i absolutely adore reading. i think i am a strong critic when it comes to books. i know i am picky and the book has to be DANG good to keep my attention, but once i do find a seemingly decent book, i love that escape. i, myself am a big fan of thriller/suspense novels. i will admit, there have been more than a few times that i've gone to bed scared out of my mind because of a book i plagued my mind with, but it is so worth it!
isn't reading such an incredible thing? when you think about it, it really is phenomenal. by taking a million pressed pieces of tree bark and gluing them together, covering them in weird symbols and patterns, a form of intense communication is born. who would have thought?! not only can we communicate, but we can transfer thoughts and dreams onto another soul. THAT is an incredible feat.
not only is it a most admirable accomplishment of us as a people, it really can be a transporter of sorts. there have been countless times in my life where i sit in one place for numerous hours and simply read. with an imagination like mine, reading is a million times more vivid then watching a movie. the only thing that would make it more real would be to experience the events myself. as i immerse myself in a book, i can take myself wherever i wish to be. not only that, but depending on the way the book is written, they have the potential to make me endure every emotion, think every thought, feel every touch, laugh every laugh, and cry every tear. there is nothing like getting through a book that simply drains you in every way. one that sucks you in so far, you forget that you are really just sitting on the bean bag in the front room, surrounded by crazy kids who are off track and bouncing off the walls in every direction possible.
that is another big reason i love reading :P
you all know (or should know) how much i adore the piano. although i am nowhere near as good as i wish i was, i still have a fantastic time plucking my way through the latest songs or attempting to put together my own rendition. it is truly amazing to pick apart a piece of music. realizing that someone thought of that beat- of that melody- of that harmony and then made it a reality is humbling. i am the smallest bit envious of those people who can so easily throw something together. then again, i am glad that i at least have an ear for music. that i am not completely tone deaf or incapable of keeping a beat. i suppose i will either have to just accept the fact that plucking out a simple melody is all i am going to get or practice my brains out. honestly, i prefer the latter, although the amount of time i will have to devote is something i would rather not think about. haha.
so while you are inventing that machine that will erase my mind so i can sleep, you can go ahead and start on a piano skills enhancer.
hey, they have pills for everything, right? :P
there have been a million things made apparent to me (as of lately especially), but one thing that stands out is growing up. yes, realizing that you have to pay bills and worry about interest rates and insurance is a pain, but there are other strings that naturally come with it as well. the main one that i am thinking of right now deals with growing apart. there comes a time in your life when you realize that you don't have those neighborhood kids to play with anymore. that the friends you talked with every day in high school are no longer around. suddenly, it is all too obvious that it is just you. this truth can come as a low blow and be very depressing at times. especially if you are one of those people who depend on social interaction. grasping this concept has been a tough task for me. i love being with people and was fortunate enough to have a truly incredible group of friends in high school- one where we got together every day on the weekend. this transition from such a life to one where everyone is either off to college, on a mission, or married is a bizarre stage of life.
then again, in a way, i am grateful for it. there have been things that i have been forced to learn and qualities that i have needed to quickly master so i could function. though it has been a hard road, i have come to the point where socializing with friends is a real treat, rather then a complete necessity.
sometimes, being with myself is just enough.
and that kind of self-discovery is truly satisfying.
welp, i am off for now, but can we pretend it is may 4th so i can say one last thing to you?
may the fourth be with you.
hahahahaha
<3 kirena
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
An Application to Life
FOREVER AND ALWAYS
by: taylor swift
Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday
When I caught your eye
We caught onto something.
I hold onto the night
You looked me in the eye
And told me you loved me.
Were you just kidding?
Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down.
We almost never speak.
I don't feel welcome anymore.
Baby what happened?
Please tell me cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door.
And I stare, at the phone...
He still hasn't called,
And you feel so low you cant feel, nothing at all,
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always.
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom,- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest?
Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute.
Now I'm not so sure...
So here's to everything-
Coming down to nothing.
Here's to silence
That cuts me to the core.
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore.
And I stare at the phone.
He still hasn't called,
And you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all.
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always.
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Did you mean it baby?
I don't think so...
Back up, baby back up.
Did you forget everything?
Back up, baby back up.
Did you forget everything?
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
And I stare at the phone.
He still, hasn't called.
And you feel so low you cant feel, nothing at all.
And you flashback to when we said
Forever and always.
And it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Didn't mean it baby...
You Said forever and always- Yeah.
love this song <3
by: taylor swift
Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday
When I caught your eye
We caught onto something.
I hold onto the night
You looked me in the eye
And told me you loved me.
Were you just kidding?
Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down.
We almost never speak.
I don't feel welcome anymore.
Baby what happened?
Please tell me cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door.
And I stare, at the phone...
He still hasn't called,
And you feel so low you cant feel, nothing at all,
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always.
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom,- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest?
Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute.
Now I'm not so sure...
So here's to everything-
Coming down to nothing.
Here's to silence
That cuts me to the core.
Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore.
And I stare at the phone.
He still hasn't called,
And you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all.
And you flashback to when he said
Forever and always.
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Did you mean it baby?
I don't think so...
Back up, baby back up.
Did you forget everything?
Back up, baby back up.
Did you forget everything?
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
And I stare at the phone.
He still, hasn't called.
And you feel so low you cant feel, nothing at all.
And you flashback to when we said
Forever and always.
And it rains in your bedroom- everything is wrong.
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.
Cause I was there when you said
Forever and always.
Didn't mean it baby...
You Said forever and always- Yeah.
love this song <3
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
A mental mixup
oh boy.
isn't it crazy the things that life can bring?
i was thinking the other day about how ironic it can be...
i dont know how your life goes, but if it is anything like mine, it can be so aggravating! most days, my life is simple and clear. i am a happy girl and things will be going perfectly for weeks at a time. then suddenly it seems, one seemingly perfect day changes faces and life throws a curve ball...
or six.
is that not the most obnoxious thing?! haha. rather than have one little thing every day to have to worry about at a time, one little problem or trial, i have weeks of carefree frolicking pass and they all hit at once.
oh life :)
i realize that life is beautiful- it really is. sometimes things go wrong and problems arise- mistakes are made and trials come, but in the end, it really is such a blessing to be alive and well. of course, things can always be worse. i am a firm believer in this... but you know, sometimes it is hard to keep that in mind. to remember that there are those out there in this dark world that have it a thousand times worse than you. people who would switch circumstances with you in a heartbeat if it were a possiblity.
in a way though, i am glad that it's not.
i am also glad for those bumps in the road that attack at all angles at the same time. in the end, after it all is over and done with, things brighten up and i realize, once again, that it wasn't so bad and recognize the good that came from it. everything happens for a reason.
another thing that has simply blown me away lately is the way that life works out.
me being me, i think i know what is best for myself. i have been planning out my life since i was a little girl- always imagining where i would be and what i would be doing at certain times in my life. i even thought i knew exactly WHO i would be. it is an interesting experience to reach those milestones in my life and compare my previous plans to the actual events that took place. sometimes, i am the smallest bit disappointed in myself... it's a little humbling to realize that you aren't the person you hoped you would be when you were little... but with that comes the resolution to change. i welcome change for the better. there are also those instances that you stumble upon and realize you ended up in a COMPLETELY difference place than you ever imagined. i cannot even emphasize the amount of times this has been the outcome in my life. with my "miss kirena knows best" attitude, i sometimes forget that she doesn't... however smart i may be, however independent i am or set on something, kirena DOESN'T know best.
that is a hard thing to accept.
but i do know, that once i get that beaten into my head- once i open my mind to that one person who really DOES know best, then i will end up in the places that i need to be. i will be touched by the people that i need to be influenced by. i will walk on the hearts of those that really need me. i will do the best and be the best that i can be.
and THAT makes it all worth it.
so hello, life.
this is kirena, and i welcome anything you choose to throw at me.
i am determined to walk hand in hand with that one person who knows what is best for me. with that bond, i cannot fail.
i will not fail.
oh,
p.s. i love you.
isn't it crazy the things that life can bring?
i was thinking the other day about how ironic it can be...
i dont know how your life goes, but if it is anything like mine, it can be so aggravating! most days, my life is simple and clear. i am a happy girl and things will be going perfectly for weeks at a time. then suddenly it seems, one seemingly perfect day changes faces and life throws a curve ball...
or six.
is that not the most obnoxious thing?! haha. rather than have one little thing every day to have to worry about at a time, one little problem or trial, i have weeks of carefree frolicking pass and they all hit at once.
oh life :)
i realize that life is beautiful- it really is. sometimes things go wrong and problems arise- mistakes are made and trials come, but in the end, it really is such a blessing to be alive and well. of course, things can always be worse. i am a firm believer in this... but you know, sometimes it is hard to keep that in mind. to remember that there are those out there in this dark world that have it a thousand times worse than you. people who would switch circumstances with you in a heartbeat if it were a possiblity.
in a way though, i am glad that it's not.
i am also glad for those bumps in the road that attack at all angles at the same time. in the end, after it all is over and done with, things brighten up and i realize, once again, that it wasn't so bad and recognize the good that came from it. everything happens for a reason.
another thing that has simply blown me away lately is the way that life works out.
me being me, i think i know what is best for myself. i have been planning out my life since i was a little girl- always imagining where i would be and what i would be doing at certain times in my life. i even thought i knew exactly WHO i would be. it is an interesting experience to reach those milestones in my life and compare my previous plans to the actual events that took place. sometimes, i am the smallest bit disappointed in myself... it's a little humbling to realize that you aren't the person you hoped you would be when you were little... but with that comes the resolution to change. i welcome change for the better. there are also those instances that you stumble upon and realize you ended up in a COMPLETELY difference place than you ever imagined. i cannot even emphasize the amount of times this has been the outcome in my life. with my "miss kirena knows best" attitude, i sometimes forget that she doesn't... however smart i may be, however independent i am or set on something, kirena DOESN'T know best.
that is a hard thing to accept.
but i do know, that once i get that beaten into my head- once i open my mind to that one person who really DOES know best, then i will end up in the places that i need to be. i will be touched by the people that i need to be influenced by. i will walk on the hearts of those that really need me. i will do the best and be the best that i can be.
and THAT makes it all worth it.
so hello, life.
this is kirena, and i welcome anything you choose to throw at me.
i am determined to walk hand in hand with that one person who knows what is best for me. with that bond, i cannot fail.
i will not fail.
oh,
p.s. i love you.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Not done yet :)
A little while back, i wrote this little poem. It was one of those things that just exploded at my fingertips and i forgot to put it on here. so here you go :)
Checkmate
By: Kirena Allen :)
Sometimes,
I sit here and wait for you to make your move.
Wrestling with possibilities,
I wonder what path you'll take.
To put it in simple terms,
one move will bring you closer,
and the other takes you just out of reach.
Time after time,
I've watched you sit in silence,
a silence that screams at my memories
to fade away and be forgotten.
Once again,
you take another step back,
the result of doing nothing,
putting yet another square between us.
As if we need more distance.
Living a lie of maybe,
high hopes begin to fade as your figure stands still.
Another day passes.
Another step back.
And another.
Holding on tight,
I squint trying to catch a glimpse,
imagine a sign,
recognize a clue,
distinguish a hint.
Silence.
That's when i realize,
you're just a pawn.
And here I was, thinking i was aiming at a king.
Happy new year, love.
Checkmate
By: Kirena Allen :)
Sometimes,
I sit here and wait for you to make your move.
Wrestling with possibilities,
I wonder what path you'll take.
To put it in simple terms,
one move will bring you closer,
and the other takes you just out of reach.
Time after time,
I've watched you sit in silence,
a silence that screams at my memories
to fade away and be forgotten.
Once again,
you take another step back,
the result of doing nothing,
putting yet another square between us.
As if we need more distance.
Living a lie of maybe,
high hopes begin to fade as your figure stands still.
Another day passes.
Another step back.
And another.
Holding on tight,
I squint trying to catch a glimpse,
imagine a sign,
recognize a clue,
distinguish a hint.
Silence.
That's when i realize,
you're just a pawn.
And here I was, thinking i was aiming at a king.
Happy new year, love.
A few thoughts....
A quote by Taylor Swift has recently stolen my heart.
I adore it!
"To me, "FEARLESS" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into you freshman year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright...That's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after.That's why I write all these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
I couldn't agree more.
Thanks, Taylor :)
<3
ALSO: another fabulous quote...
I signed my name.
Will you sign yours?
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE UNASHAMED
"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tarred visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, but my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear."
(quoted from a quote by Elder Henry B. Eyring)
I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed.
Kirena Dawn
I adore it!
"To me, "FEARLESS" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into you freshman year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright...That's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after.That's why I write all these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
I couldn't agree more.
Thanks, Taylor :)
<3
ALSO: another fabulous quote...
I signed my name.
Will you sign yours?
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE UNASHAMED
"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tarred visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, but my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear."
(quoted from a quote by Elder Henry B. Eyring)
I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed.
Kirena Dawn
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Twelve Hour Work Day (need I say more)
oh boy.
here i am. at a desk. at work.
i've been here since seven o'clock.
five hours ago.
and i have hardly moved.
GIVE ME MY SANITY!
so here i am. at a desk. at work.
i've been here since seven o'clock.
five hours ago.
and i've decided to do something.
write.
on my blog.
its about time you know.
you know what else it is about time for?
KIRENA'S WORD VOMIT
(throughout the course of a loooong day)
ready for it?
muah ha ha.
do you ever laugh at your own stuff?
hee hee. now, don't judge me. i am not vain or egotistical, but i think i am sometimes quite funny. here i was. at a desk. at work, and i decided to read my old posts on my blog. i went through and read everything that i ever wrote. it took me forty minutes (pathetic).
anyways, i was reading, and DANG, i was laughing my head off! there are some very clever things in those silly posts, that i am quite proud of. i know that i cannot be alone in feeling like this... you ever think you are funny? funny enough to the point that you sit at a desk, alone, at work, during a 12 hour day, and just start laughing because you think you are so clever?
i do. i did. today. just barely. good times.
the fourth kind. BS.
let me explain. ayer, i went to the movies with my good ole pal. we saw the newest alien attraction "the fourth kind"... ooooooh. this movie, allegedly, is a true story. it takes place in a little hodunk town in alaska- nome. the movie is a mix of both actual live footage and the director's interpretation of what happened. i must admit, some of the "real footage" was a little on the creeper side... there are bits and pieces of the story that i really cannot explain. BUT honestly... ALIENS? come on. this is just one thing that i cannot get into!
the sad thing is though, these people are one hundred percent CONVINCED that they have been abducted. that they have seen these other world intelligences and had contact with them. that was almost the scariest part of the whole movie... the people that were so sure. so positive that what "happened" was real. i just have one word for it all: BIZARRE. maybe one day i will eat my words, but until some owl-obsessed creature-thing speaks sumerian to me and drags me from my bed, leads me to their leader and drills into my brain, i will remain a skeptic.
"under the weather". what the eff? what the HECK does this mean? or i guess i should ask, why in the heck does it mean what it does? who came up with such a ridiculous phrase? i mean really. why is it, that when someone says they are feeling "under the weather", we automatically know that they are a poor sickie. the english language will never cease to befuddle my blonde brain. but i have made a decision: if ya'll can say "under the weather", then i am going to start the next best trend...
"how are you doing, kirena?"
"well, now that you mention it, i am feeling a little beneath the climate."
a funny thing about life, that i have had to learn, is that sometimes, you just have to wait. patience. what a vile word. REALLY! you say it to anyone and they give you a look of horror. shiver. this has been a really hard lesson for me to learn. in all honesty, i LOATHE waiting for anything. i was not blessed with the ability to calmly and rationally wait for ANYTHING that i want. sigh. BUT, i am trying hard and i am working on it. and therefore, i have come to the conclusion that sometimes, it is completely necessary to, yes, i am going to say it, be patient (i am sad to admit). whether it be for your chili to be warmed up, the drive thru line to get smaller, a special someone to come back home, the commercials to get done so you can finish that favorite show, the weekend to come, or for an answer to fervent prayer, sometimes, you just have to sit back, take a breath, relax, and wait. or in my case, let my eyes twitch, bite my lip, tap on the desk, check the mail, glance at the clock, grunt in annoyance, and... wait.
hey now,
it's a work in progress ;)
another thing that could very well drive me to insanity: missing things/people.
i get so tired of always feeling like there is an empty part of my heart! whether it be my family because i am away at college, college because i am with my family, friends, certain boys in certain places, no matter where i am in life, it seems like there is always some little thing that i wish was there- a person that i wish wasnt missing.
you know the funniest thing about missing someone, i swear on my life as soon as they are gone, EVERYTHING begins to remind you of that person. suddenly, their name appears in movie credits, on the news, is yelled at the park, on a billboard, suddenly everyone is talking about cloverfield, it's everywhere!! everything you do reminds you of that person. eating empanadas, putting on lip gloss, walking through the mall, body spray spritzing, playing at daybreak park, the list goes on and on! you find yourself imagining and role-playing how that person would act in every situation or activity you do. every person you are with just seems to be barely out of reach of how fantastic the said "person being missed" was. isnt it truly ironic how when that person seems to leave you, suddenly they are all around you?! you find yourself smelling their scent even! what is it that makes one suddenly haunted by the one that has gone? life is truly a wonder, and i will never quite understand why these sorts of things happen.
they sure don't make being patient any easier :P
mmmmmm bread. an amazing invention :)
i suddenly have the strongest urge to play the piano. of course, those dire times always come when, there is in fact, no piano in sight. so here i sit, at a desk, at work. with no piano :P
recently, i have gained a huge love of the piano. i've always taken advantage of it- always having one around. when i left for the good ole schoolio in logan, i suddenly realized how much i loved having one nearby. i missed it (go figure). i did the only thing i knew to do- i turned to pandora.com, haha. that jim brickman radio saved me!
so i guess that is one of the best things about being home right now... i have access to a piano whenever i want it :) oh, except of course when i am stranded at work for twelve hours :P haha.
sigh. working on patience, kirena :P
two is better than one- by taylor swift and boys like girls. one of the most adorable songs i have heard for a long time! have you ever heard those words! they are simply beautiful! i wish i could write like that... i mean really! that is one song that is perfectly applicable i think to many situations. gotta love it.
michael buble. gimme a piece of that delicious man! his talent will never cease to amaze me! that is one man with a supreme voice from heaven haha. another great song: "haven't met you yet". another cute one :P
you ever have a bolt of inspiration that just rocks your socks off? i have had a few of those and one day i will talk about them more, haha. i am outta here!
adios 12 hour shift.
ah yeah ;)
love kireeena
here i am. at a desk. at work.
i've been here since seven o'clock.
five hours ago.
and i have hardly moved.
GIVE ME MY SANITY!
so here i am. at a desk. at work.
i've been here since seven o'clock.
five hours ago.
and i've decided to do something.
write.
on my blog.
its about time you know.
you know what else it is about time for?
KIRENA'S WORD VOMIT
(throughout the course of a loooong day)
ready for it?
muah ha ha.
do you ever laugh at your own stuff?
hee hee. now, don't judge me. i am not vain or egotistical, but i think i am sometimes quite funny. here i was. at a desk. at work, and i decided to read my old posts on my blog. i went through and read everything that i ever wrote. it took me forty minutes (pathetic).
anyways, i was reading, and DANG, i was laughing my head off! there are some very clever things in those silly posts, that i am quite proud of. i know that i cannot be alone in feeling like this... you ever think you are funny? funny enough to the point that you sit at a desk, alone, at work, during a 12 hour day, and just start laughing because you think you are so clever?
i do. i did. today. just barely. good times.
the fourth kind. BS.
let me explain. ayer, i went to the movies with my good ole pal. we saw the newest alien attraction "the fourth kind"... ooooooh. this movie, allegedly, is a true story. it takes place in a little hodunk town in alaska- nome. the movie is a mix of both actual live footage and the director's interpretation of what happened. i must admit, some of the "real footage" was a little on the creeper side... there are bits and pieces of the story that i really cannot explain. BUT honestly... ALIENS? come on. this is just one thing that i cannot get into!
the sad thing is though, these people are one hundred percent CONVINCED that they have been abducted. that they have seen these other world intelligences and had contact with them. that was almost the scariest part of the whole movie... the people that were so sure. so positive that what "happened" was real. i just have one word for it all: BIZARRE. maybe one day i will eat my words, but until some owl-obsessed creature-thing speaks sumerian to me and drags me from my bed, leads me to their leader and drills into my brain, i will remain a skeptic.
"under the weather". what the eff? what the HECK does this mean? or i guess i should ask, why in the heck does it mean what it does? who came up with such a ridiculous phrase? i mean really. why is it, that when someone says they are feeling "under the weather", we automatically know that they are a poor sickie. the english language will never cease to befuddle my blonde brain. but i have made a decision: if ya'll can say "under the weather", then i am going to start the next best trend...
"how are you doing, kirena?"
"well, now that you mention it, i am feeling a little beneath the climate."
a funny thing about life, that i have had to learn, is that sometimes, you just have to wait. patience. what a vile word. REALLY! you say it to anyone and they give you a look of horror. shiver. this has been a really hard lesson for me to learn. in all honesty, i LOATHE waiting for anything. i was not blessed with the ability to calmly and rationally wait for ANYTHING that i want. sigh. BUT, i am trying hard and i am working on it. and therefore, i have come to the conclusion that sometimes, it is completely necessary to, yes, i am going to say it, be patient (i am sad to admit). whether it be for your chili to be warmed up, the drive thru line to get smaller, a special someone to come back home, the commercials to get done so you can finish that favorite show, the weekend to come, or for an answer to fervent prayer, sometimes, you just have to sit back, take a breath, relax, and wait. or in my case, let my eyes twitch, bite my lip, tap on the desk, check the mail, glance at the clock, grunt in annoyance, and... wait.
hey now,
it's a work in progress ;)
another thing that could very well drive me to insanity: missing things/people.
i get so tired of always feeling like there is an empty part of my heart! whether it be my family because i am away at college, college because i am with my family, friends, certain boys in certain places, no matter where i am in life, it seems like there is always some little thing that i wish was there- a person that i wish wasnt missing.
you know the funniest thing about missing someone, i swear on my life as soon as they are gone, EVERYTHING begins to remind you of that person. suddenly, their name appears in movie credits, on the news, is yelled at the park, on a billboard, suddenly everyone is talking about cloverfield, it's everywhere!! everything you do reminds you of that person. eating empanadas, putting on lip gloss, walking through the mall, body spray spritzing, playing at daybreak park, the list goes on and on! you find yourself imagining and role-playing how that person would act in every situation or activity you do. every person you are with just seems to be barely out of reach of how fantastic the said "person being missed" was. isnt it truly ironic how when that person seems to leave you, suddenly they are all around you?! you find yourself smelling their scent even! what is it that makes one suddenly haunted by the one that has gone? life is truly a wonder, and i will never quite understand why these sorts of things happen.
they sure don't make being patient any easier :P
mmmmmm bread. an amazing invention :)
i suddenly have the strongest urge to play the piano. of course, those dire times always come when, there is in fact, no piano in sight. so here i sit, at a desk, at work. with no piano :P
recently, i have gained a huge love of the piano. i've always taken advantage of it- always having one around. when i left for the good ole schoolio in logan, i suddenly realized how much i loved having one nearby. i missed it (go figure). i did the only thing i knew to do- i turned to pandora.com, haha. that jim brickman radio saved me!
so i guess that is one of the best things about being home right now... i have access to a piano whenever i want it :) oh, except of course when i am stranded at work for twelve hours :P haha.
sigh. working on patience, kirena :P
two is better than one- by taylor swift and boys like girls. one of the most adorable songs i have heard for a long time! have you ever heard those words! they are simply beautiful! i wish i could write like that... i mean really! that is one song that is perfectly applicable i think to many situations. gotta love it.
michael buble. gimme a piece of that delicious man! his talent will never cease to amaze me! that is one man with a supreme voice from heaven haha. another great song: "haven't met you yet". another cute one :P
you ever have a bolt of inspiration that just rocks your socks off? i have had a few of those and one day i will talk about them more, haha. i am outta here!
adios 12 hour shift.
ah yeah ;)
love kireeena
Saturday, April 11, 2009
100+Things That Make Kirena Truly Happy (cont)...
okay i AM going to keep going lol
101. mark
102. sunrises or sunsets anywhere (but especially on the beach)
103. acoustic music- i never realized how much i loved it until pandora.com came into my life!
104. pandora.com :) haha
105. getting slurpees or any type of slushie
106. biting people
107. watching scary movies with bunch of wimpy girls... haha oh ladies. i love you :)
108. watching dumb people eat goldfish
109. his name- just hearing it makes my tummy flip
110. when people play with my hair- or brush it for that matter. just touching it!
111. mint truffles
112. robert downy jr.
113. hot long showers in winter
114. youtube
115. kissing someone i love
116. bridgerland girl talks
117. reading sweet song lyrics
118. soaking in silence
119. buffy the vampire slayer... yeah i know :P
120. vacuuming my room
121. being sung to or having someone play music for me
122. pop rocks ;) ;)
123. plain lays- there is something about them!
124. olive garden breadsticks
125. hand tickles
126. walking on a dewy lawn early in the morning
127. driving a truck
128. running through the sprinklers
129. fighting for covers or blankets ;)
130. hearing my name- or seeing someone personalize a note or letter or text with my name
131. lord of the rings marathons
132. having a kid climb up on my lap
133. short lines at disneyland
134. little caesars runs with yinz that are always followed by juicy stories
135. getting my hair cut
136. looking at pictures
137. hearing people's stories
138. looking at someone and having a total conversation without even speaking
139. being asked to dance
140. wearing formal dresses
141. watching people sleep (not in a creepy way!!!!!)
142. twilight discussions... they can be so funny
143. eye contact
144. watching a guy play with a little kid or baby
145. watching people with their families
146. lingering hugs when saying goodbye
147. the ability to "lock" texts you want to keep forever
148. receiving pic messages
149. talking with my mom while cooking- good times.
150. best friends that you truly love
101. mark
102. sunrises or sunsets anywhere (but especially on the beach)
103. acoustic music- i never realized how much i loved it until pandora.com came into my life!
104. pandora.com :) haha
105. getting slurpees or any type of slushie
106. biting people
107. watching scary movies with bunch of wimpy girls... haha oh ladies. i love you :)
108. watching dumb people eat goldfish
109. his name- just hearing it makes my tummy flip
110. when people play with my hair- or brush it for that matter. just touching it!
111. mint truffles
112. robert downy jr.
113. hot long showers in winter
114. youtube
115. kissing someone i love
116. bridgerland girl talks
117. reading sweet song lyrics
118. soaking in silence
119. buffy the vampire slayer... yeah i know :P
120. vacuuming my room
121. being sung to or having someone play music for me
122. pop rocks ;) ;)
123. plain lays- there is something about them!
124. olive garden breadsticks
125. hand tickles
126. walking on a dewy lawn early in the morning
127. driving a truck
128. running through the sprinklers
129. fighting for covers or blankets ;)
130. hearing my name- or seeing someone personalize a note or letter or text with my name
131. lord of the rings marathons
132. having a kid climb up on my lap
133. short lines at disneyland
134. little caesars runs with yinz that are always followed by juicy stories
135. getting my hair cut
136. looking at pictures
137. hearing people's stories
138. looking at someone and having a total conversation without even speaking
139. being asked to dance
140. wearing formal dresses
141. watching people sleep (not in a creepy way!!!!!)
142. twilight discussions... they can be so funny
143. eye contact
144. watching a guy play with a little kid or baby
145. watching people with their families
146. lingering hugs when saying goodbye
147. the ability to "lock" texts you want to keep forever
148. receiving pic messages
149. talking with my mom while cooking- good times.
150. best friends that you truly love
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
